How Can Self-Compassion be a Helpful Tool in Finding Peace with Food
Self-compassion gets thrown around a lot on Instagram, but it’s actually an evidence-based practice coined by Dr Kristen Neff. Research suggests that self-compassion predicts less disordered eating behaviours as higher self-compassion is associated with less eating and weight concerns, body dissatisfaction, drive for thinness and dietary restraint (1, 2, 3).
Self-compassion has also been associated with more intuitive eating, fewer body image concerns and less eating-related guilt (4, 5). A study carried out by Kelly, Carter and Borairi (2014) found that eating disorder patients who became more self-compassionate early in treatment had a better treatment response over 12 weeks (6). This suggests that self-compassion may help to protect against, and facilitate remission of, eating disorder symptoms.
Although the protective effects in the realm of eating and body image seem promising, self-compassion may feel like a frightening or unrealistic concept for some people (7). In 2014, a study examined the contributions of self-compassion and fear of self-compassion to the eating disorder symptoms of female eating disorder patients (n= 97) and college student (n = 155) (8). They found that fear of self-compassion appeared to be the strongest predictor to patients’ eating disorder symptoms, whereas low self-compassion contributed most strongly to students’ symptoms (8). Compared to the college students, eating disorder patients had lower mean levels of self-esteem and self-compassion, and higher mean levels of fear of self-compassion (8). These findings suggest that it is not simply the lack of self-compassion, but also the presence of fear of self-compassion that may be particularly harmful with respect to eating disorder pathology (8).
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion consists of three main pillars:
1) Mindful Non-judgemental Awareness - this involves mindfully but non judgementally noticing our thoughts and feelings that arise. Mindfulness requires us to take a step back and observe how we are feeling without adding a narrative.
Example: Let’s say you’ve eaten a bigger meal than usual and the voice in your head is giving you a bit of grief. Take a moment to think about what that might sound like for you. Mindfully and non-judgementally notice what’s coming up. This might sound like - ‘hey isn’t it interesting that right now I’m feeling x, y or z’.
2) Self-Kindness - this involves offering ourselves the same kindness that we would to our best friend or young child. It is the opposite of being harshly self-critical and encourages being understanding and gentle to ourselves when we are struggling, feeling inadequate or suffering.
Example: What would you say to your absolute best friend if they were feeling what you are feeling in relation to the bigger meal? What kind of tone of voice would you use? What would you say? Consider offering this to yourself.
3) Common Humanity - acknowledging that suffering is part of the human experience and is something that we all go through. Just to say that this pillar isn’t to disregard or invalidate your experience. It’s to acknowledge that we are in this together. It’s also not to sit back and let systems of oppression (racism, fatphobia, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia etc) continue to their widespread injustices and be ok with it. In fact, it’s the opposite of this. In acknowledging that we are not alone, we can come together with communities that offer safety, alternative perspectives and begin to cultivate radical new ways of being in the world that benefit the whole of humanity and fight for social justice.
Example: We are all wading through this diet culture thing together. Remind yourself that it’s ok to not always be ok. You are not alone. It’s ok to reach out for help if you’re struggling. Connect with communities that offer new perspectives and safe spaces, imagine a world without diet culture, take action that aligns with that if it feels ok for you to do so. Immerse yourself in anti-diet materials and follow the work of fat activists.
How Can I Apply Self-Compassion To Eating?
When we apply self-compassion in our approach to eating we allow ourselves to learn about our needs, wants, likes, habits and triggers when it comes to food. Self-compassion allows us to foster a “healthy” relationship with eating, food and our body. It also allows us to acknowledge the context that had shaped our relationship with food and body and to be gentle with ourselves and re-imagine an alternative.
Here are some suggestions to help apply self-compassion in your approach to eating:
Avoid Dichotomous Thinking - This means avoiding black and white thinking when it comes to food. Diet culture would have us believe that certain foods are “bad” and others are “good” or “healthy”. But the reality is food is food. Whether it’s a salad, ice cream, or pizza, it is what it is, no morality attached. A healthy balanced approach to eating includes a wide variety of many different foods - the healthiest choice isn’t always the lowest calorie option or the greenest, it’s the one that satisfies you and gives you the energy you need to sustain you until your next meal and one that you enjoy.
Awareness Of How You Talk To Yourself When Eating - mindfully notice what your thoughts are when you are eating. Are they telling you not to eat so much? To not eat certain types of food? To skip dessert? Are you counting all the calories? Don’t judge yourself for the thoughts you are having but acknowledge that they are there. Get curious.
Affirmation Statements - Every time a negative thought comes to mind when you’re eating, take a moment to be kind to yourself. Have go-to statements that you can use to remind yourself that guilt has no place in eating. E.g. ‘I never have to feel guilty for eating' or 'no matter how much I ate yesterday, I still need to eat today and every day’. Find statements that truly feel like they resonate for you. I invite my clients to write these on cards they can have in their purse or to create some infographics on canva they can have as a screen saver.
Connect with communities - connect with communities of like-minded individuals that provide a safe space and help you to feel supported and understood. Eating disorder recovery communities are fantastic for this. Facebook groups are also a great space where you can connect with individuals globally. The Anti Diet Riot Club is a UK based club helping individuals to fight against diet culture and fatphobia. They offer workshops and monthly life drawing classes, as well as a brilliant Instagram account.
I know that applying self-compassion may be easier to some days more than others, especially with diet culture bombarding us left right and centre, but the more it is put in to practice the easier it is to do. Think of it a bit like learning a language - it needs some patience and practice and you’re going to stumble on a few sentences on your way. A gentle way to start could be gently asking yourself ‘how can I be kind to myself today and what would genuinely help me to feel good?’.
I also feel it is incredibly important to acknowledge the different perspectives and experiences from which we may come to cultivating a self-compassion practice or working on our relationships with food. When we live in a culture that is hostile to certain bodies due to race, religion, gender, size, sexuality etc, we must also be thinking about addressing these systems of oppression that will make it more threatening or unsafe for these individuals to engage in self-compassion than others.
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